2007 So Far - Part 2 (July) 


The month of July basically has one story: Getting an Alberta driver's licence. 

Somewhere in the middle of the month, I got a letter from the van's finance company saying that they were giving us two weeks to show proof of insurance or they were going to enroll us in their own insurance plan. Although I still hadn't received my first bank statement in the mail, I decided that surely, having a bank account must be enough. I went to the registry office (no DMV up here) fully armed with everything I could possibly take: proof of car insurance, immigration papers, passport, California driver's licence, and my newly issued chequebook from my newly established Canadian bank account. Everything was fine until we got to the chequebook.

"We don't accept these as proof of residence," the woman at the counter said.
"But you'll accept a bank statement?"
"Yes."
"Because a bank statement's so much harder to fake?"
"I suppose so."
"A bank statement is harder to fake that a book of cheques?! You're joking!" Honestly, that's what I said.
"It's policy. You need to go to your bank and get a statement that includes your name, your address, and your account number... and has a bank stamp on it."
"Right... name, address, account number, with a bank stamp. Got it. Thanks for all of your help... really."

And with that, I was off to the bank. It was particularly galling because before I'd left the house, when I had everything together, my mother in-law said to me, "doesn't matter what you take, they'll always ask for something you don't have." Apparently, she knows the system pretty well.

So I went to my bank and explained what I needed.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that," said the teller.
"Uh, why?"
"Well because your statement will have your balance on it, and as you've already told me it's not for your records but for the Alberta driving registry, we can't give you a statement to give to them with your balance on it."
"But I'm okay with it!"
"Perhaps, but do you really want a document floating around with your balance and your account number on it?" Damn, I could see her point.
"Tell you what," she said, "I'll print out your bank statement and a copy of your generic bank record which has your address on it, I'll tape the address part of your bank record over the bit of your statement that has your balance on it, I'll photocopy the whole thing, and the registry will have a complete document with your name, address, and your account number on it. Sound good?" It did sound good... a little too good. It seemed like my only option at the time, though.
"Don't forget to stamp it too," I said, and five minutes later, I was off to the registry again.

Once again, I had to go through the whole rigmarole... immigration papers, passport, etc. When it came to the franken-statement, though, the woman at the desk (different woman from before) shook her head.

"I don't think I can accept this."
"Why not?!" I was really starting to get steamed, even more so by how she had said "I" and not "we". Did that mean it was up to her, and she was going to thwart me? Suddenly, it was personal.
"Well, we need just a straight bank statement." At least she said "we" this time.
"But that would have my balance on it. The bank didn't want to do that."
"But it's your account."
"Yeah, but I could see their point! Anyway listen, that woman over there said name, address, account number, stamped by the bank." I pointed emphatically to "that woman over there" channelling my growing frustration and anger into the gesture. "There it is: name, address, account number, stamped by the bank. What more can I do?!"
"Why don't you have a statement that was mailed to you?" God I hate how bureaucracy works. As much as I disliked the officious manner in which "that woman over there" had dismissed me, at least, if I'd been dealing with her again, I wouldn't have had to tell the story twice.

Once more, I recounted the story about having just got my immigration papers, how I couldn't work without the immigration papers so was still living with my in-laws, about the fact that my insurance company wanted to drop me, and how the finance company in California were going to enroll me in their own insurance plan which wouldn't even be valid in Canada... and holy shit, it worked! She took pity on me and accepted the franken-statement.

After that, it was time for a questionnaire, an eye test, and a few other formalities. The last thing was my California driver's licence that I had to surrender.

"This doesn't have a date of first issuance on it."
"Yeah, it does," I said pointing to the issued on date that said March 2003.
"So this is your first licence?" she asked frowning, and I don't blame her for frowning. She'd been looking at the driver's licence, must've realised my age, and also realised that I wasn't the type of guy who would wait until he was 35 to get a driver's licence. I laughed.
"Of course not! I've been driving for 22 years!"
"Well we need a date of first issuance."

Now, if you've been reading my blogs, you know that I rarely swear in them. Forgive me, but the following is quoted simply for documentary purposes:

"Oh, fuck me!! You're joking!" I blurted it out right in the middle of the registry office.
"Excuse me?"
"Uh, sorry. Look, this is ridiculous."
"Yes it is, and in fact, Alberta is the only province that requires it. Nevertheless, I need a date of first issuance to do a licence exchange."
"Okay. What if I don't do an exchange. What if I just keep my California licence and get a new Alberta licence?"
"Then you'll have to take a test."
"Fine."
"And you'll have a GDL for two years."
"Fine. Whatever I need to do." I'd do anything at this point to get it over and done with. This was, after all, the last remaining legal or immigration detail I had to take care of.
"So what's a GDL?"
She smiled with that smug, I'm-a-lowly-functionary-who-has-the-power-to-ruin-your-life kind of supercilious gloat and said, "A GDL is a graduated driver's licence"; it's what children get when they first pass their test. You will be restricted to driving during daylight hours only, zero alcohol tolerance..." and she went on. I didn't really care about what she was saying. In fact, I didn't hear anything after "during daylight hours only". That was a blow. It also pissed me off the way she'd thrown the word "children" in there.
"Okay, screw that," I said. There was no way I'd be hitching rides to pool until just before my 42nd birthday. A man's gotta have a little pride. It was time to simmer down and throw myself on her mercy.

"Obviously I don't understand how things work up here, but fortunately, I'm talking to you. You're an expert in this area. So please, what can I do? Is there any way you can help me?"
"Get your driving record from the California DMV, and then I can lift the GDL."
"Lift?"
"Well, yes. You're required to get an Alberta licence within a year of residence. As you've been living here for at least 18 months, I certainly can't give you your California licence back, and all I can issue you is a GDL."
"But twenty minutes ago, you wouldn't even accept that I was a resident!" From simmer back to boil. I was bordering on a full-blown, foul-mouthed meltdown kinda like the guy who goes into McDonald's with a machine gun except that I'd be spraying the place with profanities instead of bullets.
"Fine." I spat the word out without moving my jaw. "GDL then."

Immediately when I got home, I went online to the DMV site. Driving records have to be requested over the phone. I phoned. The guy on the phone told me that there was a $5 charge, that I could download the application from their site, but that I couldn't e-mail it or fax it in... that it had to be mailed. (With the mail being kind of flakey up here, I really wanted to send it another, faster way.) I downloaded the application, enclosed a cheque, and sent it off about half an hour later. I had been told to expect my record within about a month which, with the way Canada Post is, probably meant six to seven weeks.

In the meantime, I started hitching rides from everyone I knew at the pool hall. (All other driving was done by my wife.) Of course, they asked why I wasn't driving anymore, and I made the mistake of explaining what had happened. I didn't realise there was such a stigma attached to the whole GDL thing, but it's kind of like if your bike still has training wheels when you're in your teens. I was the butt of constant jokes and ridicule (well-intended, of course) until...

... about seven weeks later, I got my driving record. Do you think that was the end of it? No? Ah, but you've becoming a sceptic just like me!

Yeah, so of course the driving record I got from the DMV only went back three years. Oh, for cryin' out loud! I called the DMV immediately only to find out that you have two choices of driving record: three years or ten.
"But I need my record from 1985 when I first got my licence!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but our records don't go back that far." Cool... so now I'm stuck with a kid's licence for two years because I'm old enough to pre-date DMV records! Not only am I frustrated, but I'm starting to feel like it's time for some warm milk, Geritol, and my afternoon nap.
God bless her, the DMV phone girl was trying to be helpful. "But if you give them a ten year, that'll prove that you've been driving for at least ten years... right?"
I explained to the girl on the phone (who I was realising probably hadn't even been born when I got my licence) that if I were to submit anything other than a real date-of-first-issuance date, that my insurance premium would go up and that after 22 years of driving with absolutely nothing on my record and the lowest insurance premium that...

... wait a minute. How could my insurance rate be so good if no one knows how long I've been driving?

"Thanks for your help," I said, completely out of the blue.
"Sir?"
"I just had a realisation!" I explained it to her, and there was this sort of "whoa, you're smart" reaction that confirmed she was younger than my driving record. I hung up the phone, and called my Canadian insurance company.

The first question I asked my agent was what my rating was. It turns out I'm rated a -15, the highest you can have. (Don't ask. All I can think is that in a land of constantly sub-zero temperatures, -15 feels high to folks up here.) Basically, that means that I've got 15 years of clean driving. Okay, so that establishes that the insurance records go back 15 years.

"So what happens if I request a ten year record from the California DMV, take that to the registry office proving that I've been driving for at least ten years, and have it put in my Alberta driving record that I've been driving for ten years?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I have an insurance rating based on 15 years of clean driving, right? If my revised driving record only reflects ten years of driving, as far as Alberta's concerned, anyway..."
"Ah, yeah. I see your point. Your premium will go up, and you won't get back down to the rate you're at now for another five years providing you don't have any claims."
"Can you see why I'm upset about this?"
"Yeah, absolutely."
"So... my question is, where did the record come from that my -15 rating is based on?"
"Well, that information would've been transferred from your previous insurance."
"Uh huh. Are you following me, here? Think you could take a look?" While she pulled my file, I just sat shaking my head. I knew there was a reason I'd dragged my heels and dreaded getting an Alberta driver's licence. Still, why hadn't all of this dawned on me sooner? She was back in less than a minute.
"Here it is," she read, "'The above mentioned insured party has been driving since approximately 1985.'"
"Think you could photocopy that for me?"
"Of course."
"I'm on my way."

... and with that, I had a full Alberta driver's licence. All of the jokes and ridicule stopped, and my nearly two years of immigration-related hold-ups, frustration, and red tape was at an end. I had a bank account, a Social Insurance Number (like a Social Security Number in the U.S.), health care (although there's universal healthcare up here, just about everyone buys supplemental coverage, but it's only available to "legals"), a corporation, a permanent residency card, and a driver's licence.

Now what?

Part 3 . 

Posted: Mon - October 8, 2007 at 02:21 PM          

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